First Kiss(es)

Well I have kissed a lot of guys in my lifetime unfortunately. I think the count is about nine. I don't really remember the first one. The second one was pretty gross. The one after that was a learning experience. I guess none of these "first kisses" were everything I hoped they would be. Well the first one I didn't really want. I just did what people told me to do. I guess I can say that the third kiss was the first one that I actually wanted. But sadly whatever it was didn't last long. Anyway, the ones after that were from boyfriends and one timers. The one timers were big mistakes, didn't really want either one but sadly I'm a people pleaser in denial. I act like what people say and think about me don't matter but on the inside it matters a lot to me. And the first kiss from a boyfriend, I can't remember one but the others definitely something I predicted, they just sort of happened. I think putting so much thought into it ruins it. If it happens it happens. What's so great about a first kiss is getting it over with so that all the nervousness and awkwardness is gone. That's what I love about a first kiss.