Gambatte

Do you know "gambatte"? It's a Japanese way of saying good luck, go for it and keep going. I have heard this phrase so many times and have told myself this when I've felt like giving up. I think this is party why many Japanese die from over working. I kept telling myself keep going, keep going, you can't stop. However, I was tired. I was exhausted physically and mentally and now I'm spiritually exhausted. I'm done with classes and teaching and being in this country. However, I can't just up and leave. I'll finish out the year and move on. Today I started planning for the next semester and I didn't totally hate it. I hated the fact that so many other teachers were there, but that can't be helped. Tomorrow I'll be getting ice cream with one of them and then later to have dinner with a student. Hopefully that day will be as productive as today. If I can keep up this energy and plan for next semester I can begin to enjoy the break and not freak out about having to plan week by week. Hopefully. ttfn

So Little Time

Why do I feel like I don't have time for all the things I want to? It's probably because they're not a priority in my life right now. However, every time I see something that reminds me of it, I think, I want to do it. I just don't have the time. I want to knit, crochet, read, study, watch movies, exercise. Today I was baking/cleaning and listening to a podcast episode about a woman who for a year didn't buy anything new. This sparked a need for me to go through some stuff and think about the things that I don't need or want or aren't necessary for my life. So now I'm thinking of ways I can get rid of the things I have. Which stresses me out because the things I want to keep make me think of where I will put it or pack it when I leave. And then I think about leaving Japan and where my next stage in life will be. Where will I live? Where will I work? What do I want to do? Will it make me happy? And then the upcoming break. What will I bring home? Where can I keep it where it'll be safe? How can I avoid seeing people I don't want to meet? All of these thoughts every single day. And I'm just so tired, so tired of it all. I want a break from it. However, I'm going to take it one day at a time. This weekend, I'll focus on the kitchen, next the bedroom and so far. And I'll have to invite people over to come check out stuff that they may want. And I'll have to do a deep cleaning before I'm off for the summer. Also I have a huge box of yarn that I have to figure out what to do with. AH! ttfn