Terrible

So my boyfriend thinks he's so terrible and wants people to know how terrible he is. He claims that people would be interested in how he abuses me, how messy he is, how he touches me inappropriately, how he's greedy with sugar meaning kisses, how he's always falling asleep on me, always standing me up and if not, he's always late, and never listens to my feelings, never believes me, hits me. These are all the things he believes I think is true but it truly isn't. I think he's the most wonderful guy I know. Yes, he tends to be late or fails to show up but when he does, oh boy is it worth it. I love the way he looks at me; like I'm the only girl in the world. I love the way he loves me endless and putting my needs before his own, and he always seems to make me smile. So even though he thinks he's the worse guy ever he's really pretty great.

Despite the Odds

One time when everything turned out fine despite the odds was when I applied to college. Both undergrad and graduate. For undergraduate I applied to a plethora of colleges and got into almost all of them. But I suck at making decisions, or rather I'm afraid of making the wrong one. I try to best weigh the odds or see if I have any stronger ties to one side. But when applying and deciding which school to go to, I just couldn't make a choice, so I left it up to my mom. I told her to just apply to whatever school she could afford and that's what she did. I loved my school, met awesome people and grew tremendously. After four years there I didn't know what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, so I got two internships and one of them actually showed me a life I could have and enjoy. I wanted to teach so to avoid applying to all these schools. I just applied to one and let God do the rest. And how awesome it was to find out that I got accepted and am now doing something I absolutely love. Everything always works out for the good for those who love the Lord.

First Kiss(es)

Well I have kissed a lot of guys in my lifetime unfortunately. I think the count is about nine. I don't really remember the first one. The second one was pretty gross. The one after that was a learning experience. I guess none of these "first kisses" were everything I hoped they would be. Well the first one I didn't really want. I just did what people told me to do. I guess I can say that the third kiss was the first one that I actually wanted. But sadly whatever it was didn't last long. Anyway, the ones after that were from boyfriends and one timers. The one timers were big mistakes, didn't really want either one but sadly I'm a people pleaser in denial. I act like what people say and think about me don't matter but on the inside it matters a lot to me. And the first kiss from a boyfriend, I can't remember one but the others definitely something I predicted, they just sort of happened. I think putting so much thought into it ruins it. If it happens it happens. What's so great about a first kiss is getting it over with so that all the nervousness and awkwardness is gone. That's what I love about a first kiss.